Thinking influences

Thinking influences our feelings through the things that we say to ourselves. Unhelpful thoughts can add fuel to the fire and play a large role in keeping anger going after the event has passed. However, using helpful self-statements (or ‘cooling thoughts’) can be a good way to manage our anger and guide our behavior. Examples of these include:

• Chill out
• Calm down
• Breathe away the anger
• Don’t yell
• Don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing you angry
• It’s not worth it
• Give them a chance to have a say

 To use this strategy we need to break anger into several stages:

• Getting ready for provocation: when we know we are going to face something that will make us angry.
• During the event: early signs of anger are cues to use coping strategies.
• Coping with stress: early attempts at anger management may not be successful.
• Reflecting on provocation: time to evaluate the effect of the experience on you, continue coping or give self praise.

Preparing for a provoking situations

• This is going to upset me but I know how to deal with it
• What is it that I have to do?
• Stick to the issues and don’t take it personally
• Try not to take this too seriously
• Time for a few deep breaths of relaxation
• Easy does it, remember to keep your sense of humor

During the event

• Stay calm, just continue to relax
• Think of what you want to get out of this
• There is no point in getting mad
• It’s really a shame that she has to act like this
• If I start to get mad I’ll just be banging my head against the wall
• What he says doesn’t matter. I’m on top of this situation and it’s under control

Coping with stress

• My muscles are starting to feel tight, time to relax and slow things down
• It’s just not worth it to get so angry
• Time to take a deep breath
• Try to reason it out. Treat each other with respect
• He’d probably like me to get really angry. Well I’m going to disappoint him Leaving the anger and looking back
• Try to shake it off. Don’t let it interfere with your job
• Remember relaxation, it’s a lot better than anger
• I handled that pretty well. It worked!
• It could have been a lot worse
• My pride can sure get me into trouble, but when I don’t take things too seriously, I’m better off